Tips For Dealing With Smith Stress

It’s only the fourth week of the semester and you have a paper…wait, no…two papers—actually, make that three papers to contend with.  You notice that your planner is filled to the brim with extra curriculars that don’t let up until the end of the semester, and the emerging bags under your eyes that make you look like Elvira.  Is that a gray hair, we see?  Is that another empty cookie dough cup in your trashcan?

Smith, if haven’t already discovered, seems to be a petri dish for concentrated levels of stress, mainly derived from our inherent Smithie compulsion to overachieve.  So instead of standing in front of the Smith boathouse staring hopelessly into sunset while considering the post-apocalyptic trauma of a B on your transcript, Smith’d has come up with a list of fun stress-relievers designed to restore sanity amidst academic chaos.

Build a Fort In Your Dorm Room – Sometimes a dose of childlike pleasure is exactly what college students need to loosen up.  Use your desk and chairs to create a fortress, or your can purchase a giant parachute tent and potentially have the most baller Mountain Day possible.

Explore the Trunk Room – Treasures lie among all of the old lamps and comforters Smithies leave in their houses.  Venture into your dorm’s trunk room to uncover legends of the hidden temple, or just a bunch of weird things that our house storage spaces seem to collect over the years.

Prank Your Friends Pretending to Be the Whispering Woman – For years, a creepy, perverted old woman would issue Smithies late night calls to ‘chat,’ and would sometimes called every room in a dorm hallway until an unsuspecting student picked up the phone.  The calls waned over the years, but it’s always hilarious to freak out your friends, isn’t it?

Rage – This one seems obvious, or maybe just contrived.  Raging, contrary to popular belief, does not simply include getting totally wasted—no, it is the all-encompassing idea that one will have the most amazingly time possible, be crazy, and treat each moment as battle: you vs. the night..  Not you vs. your history paper.  Just remember to rage safely, appropriately, and within reason.

Begin Hoarding Food For Quad Riot – Just like collecting pogs or Pokemon cards once distracted every elementary school kid in America, collecting food for Quad Riot can distract you, too.  Dream up the most disgusting, vom-inducing foods…then find them, and keep them for a totally epic food fight.

Cook – Nothing relieves stress like spending a day in the kitchen with your friends creating amazing baked goods.

Rip Off All of Your Clothes – Nothing makes you feel more liberated than a good streak across the science quad in broad daylight.  Actually, we wouldn’t advise that, but something about outrunning Pub Safe naked may in fact take the edge off a busy week.

Bed Intruder Song – Listen, I know Smith’d keeps mentioning the Bed Intruder Song, but that is because it’s freaking hilarious.  None of us can get enough of it, and IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT….you should.  Laughter is a good way to lighten the mood, anyhow.

Honorable Mentions:

Herbal tea, adderall (TOTALLY KIDDING), Mad Men, fluffy blankets, and a comfortable shoulder to cry on.

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2 Comments on “Tips For Dealing With Smith Stress”

  1. S says:

    I love the list. I’m planning the ultimate blanket fort as we speak. One piece of feedback is about the Bed Intruder Song. There are a lot of entertaining auto-tuned news stories out there, just a note that this one is based on a story about attempted sexual assault and could be triggering to an unsuspecting listener.

    Thanks, the writers for this site are great and seriously entertaining.

  2. [...] incredible.  A hard week means that this weekend is a grea opportunity to rage (see “Tips For Dealing With Smith Stress” for my own personal definition).  It just so happens that the stars have aligned for this [...]

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