Thankful Thanksgivings

Many of us may have noticed those darling posters around campus for an event to discuss our feelings about going home for the holidays. Really Center for Work, Life, Balance, Feelings, Emotions, I Don’t Know How To Be A Real Person, etc? Seriously? Let’s chat about legit family fun on Thanksgiving and how to survive it.

Bring Nips- put them in your boots- you know, the cute ones your wear around campus. All you betches have them. Complete with frequent bathroom breaks. But not too often, or you will risk being accused of smoking crystal meth like Kim on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. 

Don’t turn down your grandmother’s turkey by yelling “THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE” Bring a tofurkey. Compromise is more democratic.

Dealing with Stepsiblings:

Smash their face into the mashed potatoes. Only complete this after you have taken your fair share of the mashed potatoes. It would be a pity to waste them.

Smile and nod

If you live in the South: Utilize the phrase “Bless your heart” or “I’ll pray for you” in response to anything they say.

Hum the theme song for the Wicked Witch of the West when they enter the room.

Honor your mother’s wishes: Don’t talk with your mouth full. Keep food in your mouth at all times.