Ladysmithd’s Guide to NOT Picking Up Chicks at Smith College

Dear Gentlemen who visit Smith College trying to pick up chicks,

I am forced to write this because I was just asked out on a hot date. If you are a gentlemen who visits Smith College with the intent to patrol the grounds in search of your soul mate before Valentine’s Day, this is NOT how you do it.

Random Guy In Front of the CC: Hey…can you tell me where JMG is?

Me: yes, it is that brick building over there

RGFCC: I know, I just wanted to talk to you because I think you are really cute

Me: oh…

RGFCC: Are you a lesbian?

Me: No…

RGFCC: Great, now I can remove my other ear bud and talk to you

Me: um…

RGFCC: So what are you up to, what are you doing?????!!!!!!

Me: um…going to check my mail….

RGFCC: Awesome, can I come with you?

Me: um..well, no. I have a boyfriend

RGFCC: Oh, well do you know what that translates into for me? Suicide.

Me: Oh, wow…um…well I don’t think there are any buildings here tall enough for you to jump off of..so please don’t

RGFCC: No, there are not. But there are knives.

Me: That is not a great idea either.

RGFCC: Bring it in for a hug…I need a hug.

Seriously. I could not make this shit up. Gentlemen- if you are going to ask a girl out here are a few guidelines:

1. Don’t wait outside of a public place creeping on us….I know you can’t see me well enough from that far away to know I am cute

2. Don’t ask me if I am gay, and when I say no, act like just hearing “i’m not gay”  is enough to warrant you to take out your other ear bud and stop listening to music…what were you listening to? The theme song from Rocky?

3. I will already say no because you are mad creepy right now

4. Don’t threaten suicide. That just makes everything really weird…you have already blown your chances…

I really hope I was punk’d.