Ladysmithd’s Guide to NOT Picking Up Chicks at Smith College

Dear Gentlemen who visit Smith College trying to pick up chicks,

I am forced to write this because I was just asked out on a hot date. If you are a gentlemen who visits Smith College with the intent to patrol the grounds in search of your soul mate before Valentine’s Day, this is NOT how you do it.

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Can Someone Explain This To Me?


You Must Take The Tray

Dear Smith College,

Can someone explain the lunch tray system at Hubbard House to me? I LOVE Hubbard Grab n Go. Those little to go mac n cheese things rule. Epic. HOWEVER. I am having a very hard time (and I’m now in my last semester of Smith College) understanding the purpose of the trays at Hubbard.

1. You must take a tray during lunch, but not during breakfast. It seems like you can eat more than 5 bagels at breakfast or be that betch that takes the good half of the bagel and leaves the crappy bottom half, but under no circumstance, none at ALL, may you enter the lunch line without a tray.

2. I’ve never used the tray during lunch. I throw it under my arm, grab my egg and cheese on an english muffin and go! If I don’t use it- why am I forced to take one?

3. The ONE time I did use a tray, I sat down at a table and the next thing I know someone is yelling at me that I can’t have the trays at the table. Trays in line, no trays at the table. Got it.

Can someone help me understand the Hubbard lunch tray situation. It is beyond me.

I Workout

Workout Fail

Dear Smith College,

The following atrocities have caused me to come out of the woodwork. Ladies, Gents, and Betches I have been up in the gym just workin on my fitness I have notice several fashion monstrosities that cannot go unaddressed.

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Thankful Thanksgivings




Many of us may have noticed those darling posters around campus for an event to discuss our feelings about going home for the holidays. Really Center for Work, Life, Balance, Feelings, Emotions, I Don’t Know How To Be A Real Person, etc? Seriously? Let’s chat about legit family fun on Thanksgiving and how to survive it.

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Credit to Google

WE ARE BACK! WELCOME BACK LADIES, BETCHES, AND GENTLEMEN! We are in for another fun filled year at Smith College! The first years have begun to descend upon us! Welcome ISP, Bridge, and Athletes. I have met many of them so far and am very excited to announce that they are a wonderful new generation of Smithies. The rest will arrive later on this week. I’ll be there to holla at you at the ITT :) Kickin’ it at Central Check-In.

For those of you who have not met us at Smith’d yet, we are a blog that is about all things Smith College. Occasionally, we will update you on necessary world events, but mostly we are your hub for life at Smith. We are your place for irreverent humor and a unique outlook on our beloved campus. Stay posted for news about partayys, concerts, and anything else you would like! If you want to see something on Smith’d that you ain’t gettin from this relationship- lemme know! Send me a message. We are here for you.

You Might Be A Smithie If…

1. You are composing this entry at the current moment (A Friday Night)

2. Instead of using “Texts from Last Night” you compare your evening to a JSTOR search including keywords such as, but not limited to: “Frat Boys”, “30 Rack”, “Townies”, and/or “Undeclared Major”,” Blog about my ideals,” “Her texts were grammatically incorrect”…etc.

3. If you think “I wish I was reading Plato…..” at any point on a Friday

4. Where the hell is my Cape?

5. Are these Jello Shots vegan?

6. I should be doing work…

7. I should be on Moodle?

8. Maybe I should outline my final… in February

9. Again….Where is my cape?….I left my drink in my cape

10. I wish I was at tea….where the hell are my white gloves?

11. You might be a Smithie if you think “Going Hard” refers to a hard night in the Periodicals Room in Neilson.



Stupid Cupid…

I don’t like Valentine’s Day, but I will admit that I am a hopeless romantic. Not quite as neurotic as the anti-Valentine’s Day article in the Opinion’s section of the Sophian this week, but it has certainly never been my favorite. That being said, I still go with the flow and buy the chocolates, everything and all things red, and sentimental cards. To help all of us hopeless, yes…hopeless…we can’t write a romantic thing if our lives depended on it, individuals I have compiled a list of what NOT to write in a card for your significant other.

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Lord I Apologize….

The latest and greatest invention to save us from our sins!  The newly released app for smart phones Confession: A Roman Catholic App ($1.99) allows us to repent on the go, during class, at a party, and while committing sins. PRAISE HIM!

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In Conclusion…

Smith College New Year’s Resolutions

Credit to Google

1.       Get a Smith Chop because long hair is a tool of the patriarchy

2.       Stop hooking up with house mates, roommates, first years, random bros in line for Jordan house parties

3.       Binge drink only once per weekend

4.       Sell stockpile of four loco Read the rest of this entry »


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