LIST OF THINGS VOLUME IV: How to Prep For and Celebrate Sextravaganza Properly
Posted: February 21, 2012 Filed under: Athletics, Culture, Event 1 Comment »
Big panties hooray!
For those of you who don’t know, next week is Sextravaganza, a wonderful week of events put on by Smith’s PSE. Here are some ways to get yourself ready and to celebrate!
- Get new undies. I did. Two pairs. One was from my mother. Her Valentine’s Day package included a cheese grater wrapped in 4 socks, and a pair of black lacy panties. No note. I purchased the other pair for myself. They are large and grey.
- Napsturbate. Tell your friends you’re going to catch some Zs. Catch something else instead. Read the rest of this entry »
Congress Decides Women Cannot Speak for Themselves
Posted: February 16, 2012 Filed under: Culture, Features, News Leave a comment »
Anyone wondering about the GOP witch hunt going on in DC over birth control? During a hearing on birth control today, GOP representatives discussed the importance of women’s health. Since the GOP feels that women are not able to make decisions about their own bodies and are immensely preoccupied with what a woman does with her vagina and uterus, no women were included in this hearing.
Ladysmithd’s Guide to NOT Picking Up Chicks at Smith College
Posted: February 10, 2012 Filed under: Culture, Features, News, Uncategorized 1 Comment »
Dear Gentlemen who visit Smith College trying to pick up chicks,
I am forced to write this because I was just asked out on a hot date. If you are a gentlemen who visits Smith College with the intent to patrol the grounds in search of your soul mate before Valentine’s Day, this is NOT how you do it.
Can Someone Explain This To Me?
Posted: February 9, 2012 Filed under: Culture, Uncategorized | Tags: food, Grab n Go, Houses Leave a comment »
You Must Take The Tray
Dear Smith College,
Can someone explain the lunch tray system at Hubbard House to me? I LOVE Hubbard Grab n Go. Those little to go mac n cheese things rule. Epic. HOWEVER. I am having a very hard time (and I’m now in my last semester of Smith College) understanding the purpose of the trays at Hubbard.
1. You must take a tray during lunch, but not during breakfast. It seems like you can eat more than 5 bagels at breakfast or be that betch that takes the good half of the bagel and leaves the crappy bottom half, but under no circumstance, none at ALL, may you enter the lunch line without a tray.
2. I’ve never used the tray during lunch. I throw it under my arm, grab my egg and cheese on an english muffin and go! If I don’t use it- why am I forced to take one?
3. The ONE time I did use a tray, I sat down at a table and the next thing I know someone is yelling at me that I can’t have the trays at the table. Trays in line, no trays at the table. Got it.
Can someone help me understand the Hubbard lunch tray situation. It is beyond me.
LIST OF THINGS VOLUME III: Reasons Why a Snuggie is Better Than a Significant Other (Valentine’s Day Edition)
Posted: February 8, 2012 Filed under: Culture | Tags: snuggies, Valentines Day Leave a comment »
True love
Note: I do not own a Snuggie. I am not endorsing their existence. I do, however, have a blanket that I stapled in such a way that it has arm holes. A creation like that is also better than a date.
- You can lay it on a hill, sit on it, and enjoy eating grapes for hours on end. You can’t do that to a person- they would complain and lose circulation. A human might even ask you to share. With Snuggie, you get to eat the whole bag.
- You can wear it. In the shower, to class, even bowling. You can’t wear a person ANYWHERE.
- You know how basically every time one half of a couple goes on a trip and the other half says, “Oh, but I shall miss you so! Will you put me in your suitcase?” You can ACTUALLY do that with your Snuggie. Imagine those vacation photos: Snuggie and I at the Coliseum! Snuggie and I on the beach! Snuggie and I at the wax museum with Mick Jagger! Read the rest of this entry »
I Workout
Posted: February 7, 2012 Filed under: Athletics, Culture, Features | Tags: Fashion, Gym, Poor Decisions Leave a comment »
Workout Fail
Dear Smith College,
The following atrocities have caused me to come out of the woodwork. Ladies, Gents, and Betches I have been up in the gym just workin on my fitness I have notice several fashion monstrosities that cannot go unaddressed.
LIST OF THINGS VOLUME II: Ways to Woo a Smithie
Posted: February 2, 2012 Filed under: Culture Leave a comment »
Don't do this.
-Choreograph a dance to her favorite song. Bonus points if you spell out her name with your body over the course of the chorus. She’ll be impressed by your ability to channel the genius of Ani DiFranco’s lyrical stylings with your limber bod.
-“I was bored today so I made six pounds of kale chips and put them in tupperware. Maybe after this chai we can go have some… What? Of course I have nutritional yeast!”
-Bring her to the plant house. What is more romantic than flora? Impress her with your confidence in Latin pronunciations. If all else fails and desperation takes over, you can claim the tropical room is too hot and strategically disrobe (Warning: while this may win her heart (or loins) you may run into some trouble with Public Safety). Read the rest of this entry »
You can take the girl out of the 90′s but you can’t take the 90′s out of a girl.
Posted: January 30, 2012 Filed under: Culture 1 Comment »
hawt.
Hindsight has a frustrating way of making us realize, far too late, how embarrassing we once were. Platform flip-flops, white short shorts, and a passion for Mary Kate and Ashley detective movies are some of the least flattering of my 90’s memories. Luckily, the decade of my birth gives me more to love than to hate. In fact, the time has come for me to fully embrace the fact that I Love The 90′s. Read the rest of this entry »
LIST OF THINGS VOLUME I: Things NOT to do at Smith Parties
Posted: January 29, 2012 Filed under: Culture 1 Comment »-Talk close to someone’s face. Even if it’s because you can’t hear the girl over Ke$ha and genuinely want to hear her thoughts on Judith Butler, it can be perceived as creepy. And if you’re a little too (literally) tipsy, you might fall into her face and have to make out for a minute or seven, whether or not that was on the docket.
-Drunkenly feed someone a hamburger. They might miss the patty and chomp your finger. It could lead to this conversation: “Is that ketchup?” “Nope, that’s blood.”
-Play Jenga in the same building. With all the people running/dancing/gyrating around, I can guarantee that your skills, no matter how supreme, will not impress. Gravity always wins. Read the rest of this entry »
TheeSatisfaction at Smith College!
Posted: November 29, 2011 Filed under: Culture, Event Leave a comment »
♡ THEESATISFACTION ♡
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